Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
