guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im holly from the hills drunk
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
