Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
