I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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