'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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