Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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