im having a threesome with these popsicles
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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