question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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