I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
