i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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