We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
where am i from again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize