I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
