I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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