I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
And then he peed in my hair
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