textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize