He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
