I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
