It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
