if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
