i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
