just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
