I could make wine with my vomit
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
