I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
