sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
