dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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