i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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