Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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