If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
