Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
