Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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