we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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