there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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