quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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