uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
