I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
