Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
