They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize