and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
