this boner is exhausting
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
