My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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