Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
