When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
