im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
