Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
