My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
