Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
