I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
