So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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