I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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