i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
