Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
