I wish I only lived at night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
