You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
