U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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