So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
