he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
