Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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