You can't special order awesome
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
