I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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