i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize