you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
