mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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