Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
