I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
