Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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