i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
