Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
