dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
