cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
