Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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