I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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