I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
