Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
