Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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