I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
