hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
