Fine. I'll sleep in my office
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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