The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
