That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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