so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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