all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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