I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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