You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
