I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
