hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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