im having a threesome with these popsicles
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
