I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
