handjob tips. give me some.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
