When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
