It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
