Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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