Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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