At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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