One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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