how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
