doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
