wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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