puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
