Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
