I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
