Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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