You made me cry and you don't even care
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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